Theodore Keating
Aer Student - Head Boy
Haven't you heard the word of my wanting?
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Post by Theodore Keating on Jun 24, 2015 3:40:39 GMT -5
Well he did say he wanted to know what V's eyes would look like while he was ontop of him.
They probably should had talked about what happen down by the lake no more than a day ago. But first they wanted to get some studying in. Leave it to Are students to always have books on the brain. So okay they would study for a little bit and then they would talk, that sounded good. Beside while he was studying he could narrow down all his thoughts into one so he knew just what to say when it cam time to say it. Of course the library had to be full with students so Theo suggested they just study in him dorm. It would be quiet and no one would bug them.
So as they sat on the floor of his dorm room everything felt normal. Maybe even better than before because there was less hidden between them now. They could both relax a little more even if a awkward conversation was to follow but it was okay Vinayak had made it clear that he was still friends with Theo, maybe even more now. That he didn't feel like Theo had forced him into anything and there was a strong mutual attraction... So for however awkward the conversation would get her would still have Vinayak at the end of the day.
But deep down they both knew the studying would not last and it certainly did not.
Soon enough Theo was pressed up against the base of his bed, V on top of him and their lips pressed together. It was still just as good as the first time, every little touch like a spark that awoken parts of him he didn't know could wake up like that. And his own hand had found the collar of the other boy's shirt gently tugging on it and it was just so good.
Wait weren't they suppose to be talking about this? Because they needed to talk about it.
Because in the back of Theo's mind there was still painful guilt and the need to beg for forgiveness as he broke every rule that was set for him by kissing this handsome boy. So as much as it killed him, as much as he wanted to stay just like thing... he pulled away and swallowed before saying. "Okay... we need to talk about this..."
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Vinayak Dar
Aer Student - Year 6
Those who restrain desire do so because theirs is weak enough to be restrained.
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Post by Vinayak Dar on Jun 24, 2015 4:38:52 GMT -5
Right. Studying. In the dorm room. Studying. Transfiguration formulae. Goblin rebellions. How had he ended up straddling Theo's lap, making out, his longish hair forming a perfect curtain around their faces?
Vinayak wasn't sure who had initiated the kissing. Did it matter, really? They both wanted it. They had both known, deep down, exactly why they were studying in the dorm instead of in the library. As though hyper-focused Aer students couldn't block out the distractions inherent in a full library. As though there weren't lovely study tables on the back terrace. As though they couldn't have found any number of study solutions that didn't involve being in a quiet room full of beds.
Oh, he had hated himself for it, but he had said yes. He had followed Theo into the dorm room and sat down with him, so what did it matter who had initiated the kissing? They were both guilty. But, oh, how his body thrilled when they touched, how his spine tingled, how his heart sped up and his breathing became almost ragged with excitement. How his ... oh. Oh. That was ... a bit rude, wasn't it?
And then Theo stopped. Oh, no, was it Vinayak's fault? Had Theo felt ... it? Or ... oh, no, it was worse. They had to talk.
But he didn't want to. He didn't want to remember how desperately wrong their sin was. He didn't want "Hail Mary"s and "Our Father"s. He wanted to pretend that this was natural and right, because it felt natural and right. But he backed off, reluctantly, removing himself from Theo's lap and locating the leather band that had been in his hair when they'd begun their heated embrace.
"I ... you're right," Vinayak admitted, sitting once again like a proper young man, tying his hair back, looking at his hands in his lap as though they were fascinating. And then ... a terribly awkward silence. He glanced up at Theo, a rueful attempted smile on his lips. "Ah ... how do we ... talk about this?"
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Theodore Keating
Aer Student - Head Boy
Haven't you heard the word of my wanting?
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Post by Theodore Keating on Jun 24, 2015 13:56:05 GMT -5
Right now, he had to calm down. But V just got him worked up in all the best ways. From his hands running over his hips, to his ragged breathing, to the way his hair fell. Theo just wanted this boy in the worst of ways, wanted to know everything about his body. What he liked and didn't like, what turned him on and what didn't. He wanted to say here touching each other, exploring the worlds of their bodies and their wanting. He wanted to soak up all the bliss that they had right now before the real world came in and broke this illusion.
Which it did, and hard. Because had to mention that they needed to talk and he moved off of him and now they were back in reality.
Please don't move
I want you here you living, breathing... existing. I want to know it's okay and you are there...
They both sat up, Theo still leaning against the base of his bed as uncomfortable silence hung between them and then Vinayak asked how do they talk about it and Theo looked down. "I'm not sure... I don't even really know where to sat. I know I like you... and kissing you is the most perfect feeling in the world. I know that... No girl I have ever touched or kissed makes me feel the way you do. And I know I feel guilty... because it isn't right. But it feels right." Theo admitted all in one breath before looking up at V.
"I just.. I don't want anything bad to happen to you. If people found out..." That was his biggest fear. Vinayak had so much to worry about already, he could never walk down the halls here at night and not have to look over his shoulder. If they found out about this as well he was as good as dead... At least he was white and rich so he could take a beating or two...
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Vinayak Dar
Aer Student - Year 6
Those who restrain desire do so because theirs is weak enough to be restrained.
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Post by Vinayak Dar on Jun 25, 2015 17:38:31 GMT -5
There it was. Theo was worried for his safety. It certainly didn't help that those words made Vinayak want to kiss him more, to admire him for his sweetness and his honor and ... oh, this was terrible. "If people found out ... " Vinayak murmured, staring intently at the bed across from the one they were leaning against. Yes, he knew. Who would help him in such a situation? How could his parents or his few friends keep an angry mob from beating him to death? Who in this country would weep for the perverted immigrant? If people found out, they would make him suffer horribly.
But what was he supposed to do now? Just stand up and walk away? How could he ever spend time with Theo again without thinking about the touch of his lips, and the smell of his hair, and the way his body felt so solid and real and manly through the school uniform?
Vinayak took a deep breath. "We run a terrible risk, doing ... this ... and I have no answers. I want everything. I want to belong here, in this country, and I want to be respected, and I want salvation ... but I also want you. And I can't have it all and I don't know which to choose and ... and I don't even know if I am making any sense. I suppose ... we just need to decide. What is more frightening? To be caught, or ... to be alone?"
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Theodore Keating
Aer Student - Head Boy
Haven't you heard the word of my wanting?
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Post by Theodore Keating on Jun 25, 2015 18:18:57 GMT -5
"If people found out..." He repeated back and bit his lip as he looked over at the door and made sure to lock it with a little flick of his wand. They didn't need anyone walking in on them right now, this was a tender private moment for them to share and only them. It was such a scary thought really, the fact that if people found out there would be nothing the two of them could do to stop whatever sort of punishment that the people decided to shovel out for them... Was this worth it though? Should they both just walk away and act like there was nothing between time? End the one thing in the world that ever felt right to him? There really was no easy answer to this...
Maybe this is why he wasn't even meant to be born... Maybe his father knew if he ever had a child it would be wrong and broken. Maybe his father knew before he did about his perverted desires and that is why he always told him he was never meant to be born. "No you are making sense. I understand." He said taking V's hand in his own and kissing the back of it before smiling softly at the boy.
He sighed and ran his hand over his face, what were they suppose to do now? Because Vinayak was right about everything... And now a very serious question was hanging in the air and he swallowed some. "I don't know... I just know that I can't go back to pretending that I enjoy the company of girls after this. It's not who I am in a way..." That probably didn't make any sense at all but it was how he felt. Like this right now, this was him but being with girls wasn't.
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Vinayak Dar
Aer Student - Year 6
Those who restrain desire do so because theirs is weak enough to be restrained.
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Post by Vinayak Dar on Jun 26, 2015 5:30:02 GMT -5
As much as everything hurt, Vinayak couldn't help but smile back when he felt Theo's lips on his hand. A simple little kiss, and the warmth seemed to spread from that spot on the back of his hand and suffuse his entire being. This was probably worse for Theo, wasn't it? It seemed as though he really wasn't interested in girls at all. At least Vinayak had other options; he could choose to live a normal life and he would only be halfway unfulfilled.
"I understand what you are saying," he replied, squeezing the other boy's hand. "I think ... well, I find some girls attractive, too. The way they look, I mean. And I suppose that I could be content with one. The problem for me is that ... well, the person I admire the most, and want most to be with, happens to be another man, which is ... inconvenient, to say the least. I don't know ... I mean, you didn't do anything. I felt this way before you kissed me, and I wanted it ... God, so badly. And a part of me knows it would be smartest to walk away, but my heart feels ... differently. It disagrees. Because the one that I like the most ... that I want the most ... "
And now he found himself leaning forward again, so terribly, irresistibly drawn by those lips.
" ... is you." He placed a tender kiss on Theo's lips, lingering there for a long moment.
I just don't know ... I just don't know ... I don't want to go to Hell!
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Theodore Keating
Aer Student - Head Boy
Haven't you heard the word of my wanting?
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Post by Theodore Keating on Jun 26, 2015 14:43:42 GMT -5
It was so cute the way V smiled after he had kissed his hand so tenderly. He will never grow sick of that smile and the way his eyes would light up. How could something like this be so wrong when it just felt so right? How could god hate hem so much just for wanting to be together? Didn't god love everyone? Didn't he want all his children to be happy? So if he was happy with another man what was so bad about that? Theo sighed and looked down before running a hand thrown his hair.
See at very least Vinayak still felt like he could find some girls attractive but Theo couldn't. He never really did. He just talked to them and flirted with them because that was what he was suppose to do. So maybe they just go back to trying to be with girls? But then Vinayak reminded him that the person he felt most connected to was him. He didn't want to walk away because this was what he wanted and this was also what he wanted more than anything in the world. "Me too...I want this more than anything. I don't think I have even wanted something so much..." He whispered before being greeted with a pair of soft tender lips.
So so right... and the more he was kissed the less wrong it started to feel. But... He still didn't wanted to be condemned, didn't want to be killed because of this. Didn't want any harm to come to Vinayak because of this...
God please tell him what to do...
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Vinayak Dar
Aer Student - Year 6
Those who restrain desire do so because theirs is weak enough to be restrained.
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Post by Vinayak Dar on Jun 28, 2015 6:19:26 GMT -5
"Oscar Wilde ... in The Picture of Dorian Gray, he wrote: 'You will always be fond of me. I represent to you all the sins you never had the courage to commit.'"
This was probably a terribly wrong thing to say, but it had been niggling at the back of Vinayak's mind. Oscar Wilde, who had been put on trial, his name dragged through the mud, for committing the same crime that he and Theo were in the midst of. A brilliant artist with a passionate love ... a hero, in Vinayak's opinion.
He reached out, touching Theo's fingertips with his own.
"And in a letter he wrote to his lover, his 'darling boy' ... 'do remake my ruined life for me, and then our friendship and love will have a different meaning to the world.'"
He laced his fingers between Theo's so that their palms met - Shakespeare's "palmers' kiss" which was, in Vinayak's opinion, one of the few redeeming qualities to be found in Romeo and Juliet.
"I suppose what I'm trying to say is ... if we are already complicit ... already damned ... then we may as well sin, together, because I would rather face the trials and the mobs with you on my team."
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